Journal
Izzy’s journal
Between doses, between jobs, between plans.
Two sessions
week 37tired but good energy 42 replies
Well then. Two sessions this week, both short, both done. Ren keeps saying that two a week for two years beats a perfect programme abandoned in March, and he is annoyingly…
How are you doing on a Wednesday
week 34held energy 44 replies
Nobody has ever asked me how I was doing on a Wednesday before. My buddy noticed something in my journal before I did and asked me a very gentle question about it. Paired up.…
She read the diary
week 31brisk energy 22 replies
Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven years. She answered it in about ninety seconds and was completely unbothered. A locum who had clearly read nothing. I was…
Walking
week 29tired but good energy 5
Right. Kept the two sessions that matter and dropped the two that were vanity. Fewer, heavier, done. Two sessions this week, both short, both done. Ren keeps saying that two…
From the bottom
week 27relieved energy 13 replies
Well then. The shame about the gap was worse than any side effect I have had. Six people in circle said "yes, me, twice", and it went. Second time and it is completely…
No news
week 24flat energy 11 reply
Right. An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a…
Back
week 24relieved energy 43 replies
Back. Eight months away and I arrived braced for a judgement that has not come from a single person. Restarted when a job started. The shame about the gap was worse than any…
A locum
week 22frustrated energy 52 replies
Well then. A locum who had clearly read nothing. I was polite, I got what I needed, and I have booked with my own GP for next month. Nine minutes. I took three written…
Somebody new
week 19warm energy 44 replies
Well then. Somebody new tonight, terrified, exactly where I was in the spring. I said the thing that had been said to me and watched it land. The facilitator stopped the room…
Where the pen lives
week 16organised energy 2
Well then. New sharps bin, and a plan for what happens to it when I move in September. Batch cooked on a good day for the bad days. Six labelled boxes in the freezer and a…
Pausing
week 16clear-eyed energy 31 reply
Did the arithmetic out loud, on the page, no rounding. It is a lot. Seeing it written down was steadying rather than frightening, which I had not expected. Paused for six…
Dreams
week 14tired energy 24 replies
Right. Slept through. Whole night, no waking. It has been so long that I lay there in the morning trying to work out what was different. Waking at four again. Not anxious,…
Back without making it up
week 11tired but good energy 12 replies
Two sessions this week, both short, both done. Ren keeps saying that two a week for two years beats a perfect programme abandoned in March, and he is annoyingly right. Kept…
Before nine
week 8steady energy 23 replies
Right. Was undereating without realising. The nurse asked a plain question about what I had actually eaten in the last two days and I heard my own answer. Spread it across…
Two lines a day
week 6organised energy 32 replies
Right. Batch cooked on a good day for the bad days. Six labelled boxes in the freezer and a great deal of smugness. New sharps bin, and a plan for what happens to it when I…
Beginning, badly
week 3wired energy 43 replies
Right. So. First one done. I had been carrying the box around the house for four days like it was something I had borrowed and needed to give back, and in the end I did it…
Standing in the kitchen
week 2hopeful energy 51 reply
Well then. What I keep coming back to is how long it took me to get here. Not the medication — the asking. Years of that. Started during a redundancy, which she says was poor…