Journal
Bea’s journal
Here early, here often, mostly reading.
Back
week 102nervous energy 24 replies
Back. Eight months away and I arrived braced for a judgement that has not come from a single person. Restarted after a decision she describes in one long careful entry.…
Nine minutes
week 99brisk energy 42 replies
Short one tonight. Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven years. She answered it in about ninety seconds and was completely unbothered. Left with a printout I…
A different shape
week 96foggy energy 24 replies
A quiet week. Repeat study came back and the apnoea is much reduced. Ten years of that mask. The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I…
The limits of yoghurt
week 94steady energy 23 replies
Spread it across the day instead of trying to do it all at teatime and everything got easier. Was undereating without realising. The nurse asked a plain question about what I…
A plain question
week 91steady energy 23 replies
Short one tonight. Was undereating without realising. The nurse asked a plain question about what I had actually eaten in the last two days and I heard my own answer. Got…
Steady
week 89steady energy 11 reply
A quiet week. An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. Steady. That is the whole entry. No news. The dog is well, the…
An unremarkable week
week 86flat energy 31 reply
A quiet week. Steady. That is the whole entry. No news. The dog is well, the weather has been foul, and I have taken my medication on the correct day for the eleventh week…
No news
week 84flat energy 33 replies
A quiet week. No news. The dog is well, the weather has been foul, and I have taken my medication on the correct day for the eleventh week running. Off it, appetite mostly…
Laces
week 84quietly delighted energy 21 reply
Short one tonight. Swam. First time since school. Two lengths, badly, grinning. Up the stairs at work twice without stopping at the landing. I stood at the top for a second…
Awake at four
week 81rested energy 5
Repeat study came back and the apnoea is much reduced. Ten years of that mask. The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet tell…
Paired
week 79held energy 44 replies
Late, and writing anyway. Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has quietly become the most reliable thing in my week. She had a bad week and I…
The list on the fridge
week 76steady energy 53 replies
Got something with protein in before nine this morning, which meant the rest of the day did not fall apart at four. Spread it across the day instead of trying to do it all at…
Into town and back
week 73quietly delighted energy 41 reply
A quiet week. Walked into town and back, which I stopped doing years ago without ever deciding to stop. Tied my own laces standing up. I am aware of how that sounds and I do…
Steady
week 71flat energy 21 reply
An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. Steady. That is the whole entry. No news. The dog is well, the weather has…
Sunday lunch
week 69warm energy 51 reply
Late, and writing anyway. A wedding. Three courses I could not face, a table of people who noticed, and a very kind waiter who boxed it up without saying a word. Sunday lunch…
Stopped
week 67sad energy 31 reply
Short one tonight. Six months off. Some of it has come back and the trial data said it probably would, and knowing that in advance has made an enormous difference to how I…
Laces
week 66grateful energy 21 reply
A quiet week. Got down on the floor and back up again unaided. I have not been able to do that since 2021 and I did it twice more just to check. Swam. First time since…
Three cool bags and a thermometer
week 63organised energy 52 replies
Late, and writing anyway. Two lines a day in a paper diary. Date, and one thing. That is the entire system and it has twice changed a clinical decision. Batch cooked on a…
An unremarkable week
week 61flat energy 13 replies
Short one tonight. Steady. That is the whole entry. No news. The dog is well, the weather has been foul, and I have taken my medication on the correct day for the eleventh…
What is your secret
week 58awkward energy 21 reply
Short one tonight. A wedding. Three courses I could not face, a table of people who noticed, and a very kind waiter who boxed it up without saying a word. Sunday lunch at my…