Journal
Juno’s journal
Sceptical, anxious, staying anyway.
Across the day
week 29steady energy 13 replies
Right. Was undereating without realising. The nurse asked a plain question about what I had actually eaten in the last two days and I heard my own answer. Spread it across…
Back without making it up
week 26tired but good energy 32 replies
Two sessions this week, both short, both done. Ren keeps saying that two a week for two years beats a perfect programme abandoned in March, and he is annoyingly right. Walked…
The quiet
week 26unsettled energy 23 replies
Went past the shop I always go into and simply did not go in. Not resisted. Did not occur to me. I stood outside for a moment afterwards trying to work out what had happened.…
Six labelled boxes
week 24organised energy 5
Right. Two lines a day in a paper diary. Date, and one thing. That is the entire system and it has twice changed a clinical decision. New sharps bin, and a plan for what…
No news
week 21steady energy 51 reply
An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. Steady. That is the whole entry. No news. The dog is well, the weather has…
Steady
week 18fine energy 33 replies
Steady. That is the whole entry. No news. The dog is well, the weather has been foul, and I have taken my medication on the correct day for the eleventh week running. An…
Propped up on pillows
week 16flat energy 53 replies
The burping. Nobody mentions the burping. It is not in any leaflet and it is genuinely one of the odder experiences of my adult life. Very tired. Not the kind of tired a nap…
Sore and slow
week 14sore energy 11 reply
A rough few days. Not dangerous, just relentlessly unpleasant, the kind of unwell where you cannot read and cannot sleep and cannot settle to anything. Nausea that she found…
Awake at four
week 13foggy energy 34 replies
Right. The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet tell whether I mind. Slept through. Whole night, no waking. It has been so…
Somebody new
week 11warm energy 54 replies
Well then. Somebody new tonight, terrified, exactly where I was in the spring. I said the thing that had been said to me and watched it land. Circle tonight. Eight of us, an…
She read the diary
week 8brisk energy 42 replies
A locum who had clearly read nothing. I was polite, I got what I needed, and I have booked with my own GP for next month. Left with a printout I could not read and no idea…
A printout I cannot read
week 6heard energy 22 replies
Well then. Left with a printout I could not read and no idea what to be worried about. Taking it to bloodwork-buddies on Thursday. She reduced one of my other medications. I…
I told her
week 5low energy 43 replies
Well then. A hard week. I asked for help later than I should have and I am writing that down so I recognise it faster next time. Anxiety about the medication itself rather…
First dose, done
week 3hopeful energy 22 replies
Right. I told one person. Not my mother, not work. One person, and only because she asked me a direct question at the right moment. Nothing has happened yet, which nobody had…
Day one
week 1hopeful energy 41 reply
What I keep coming back to is how long it took me to get here. Not the medication — the asking. Years of that. First entry is a list of reasons this is probably a mistake. I…