Journal
Patrick’s journal
Pacing myself for the first time in my life.
Off the floor
week 99pleased energy 21 reply
Short one tonight. Got down on the floor and back up again unaided. I have not been able to do that since 2021 and I did it twice more just to check. Walked into town and…
She stopped the room
week 96warm energy 14 replies
Short one tonight. The facilitator stopped the room when four of us were talking at once and asked one person how she was actually doing. It changed the whole hour. Circle…
Reduced
week 94content energy 44 replies
Late, and writing anyway. Reduced to a maintenance dose. Same day, same fridge, less of it. Two years. My only news is that there is no news, and I have come back…
No project
week 91settled energy 4
Late, and writing anyway. Reduced to a maintenance dose. Same day, same fridge, less of it. Steady, teaching, pacing. Two years. My only news is that there is no news, and I…
No news
week 91fine energy 31 reply
Short one tonight. An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory…
I nearly did not write
week 88steady energy 41 reply
A quiet week. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of eventful weeks would give a false impression of the whole thing. Steady.…
Before nine
week 86steady energy 53 replies
A quiet week. Spread it across the day instead of trying to do it all at teatime and everything got easier. Was undereating without realising. The nurse asked a plain…
Sunday lunch
week 84loved energy 51 reply
My mother cooks. That is how she says it. So I eat what I can, slowly, and I say thank you, and we manage. It is not a problem to be solved. Starters as a main course,…
Two flights of stairs
week 81quietly delighted energy 11 reply
Late, and writing anyway. Up the stairs at work twice without stopping at the landing. I stood at the top for a second like an idiot. Nobody saw. It counted. Slept flat.…
How are you doing on a Wednesday
week 78held energy 34 replies
Late, and writing anyway. She had a bad week and I had a fine one, and next month it will be the other way round. That is the whole mechanism. Nobody has ever asked me how I…
Steady
week 76flat energy 13 replies
Short one tonight. Steady. That is the whole entry. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about how much I have got out of other…
Back without making it up
week 73tired but good energy 32 replies
Late, and writing anyway. Two sessions this week, both short, both done. Ren keeps saying that two a week for two years beats a perfect programme abandoned in March, and he…
Nothing to report
week 70flat energy 23 replies
Short one tonight. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about how much I have got out of other people's boring weeks. No news. The…
Awake at four
week 68rested energy 4
Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there listening to the boiler. The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet…
Weather, not a verdict
week 65frayed energy 21 reply
A quiet week. Flat again. I have stopped looking, which is either healthy or avoidance and I genuinely cannot tell. The plateau has been going on longer than the part before…
Nothing
week 65low energy 24 replies
Ada said something in circle that has stayed with me: that a plateau is weather, not a verdict. I have written it on a card. Flat, and calm about it. Three months of no…
A wedding
week 63warm energy 31 reply
Short one tonight. My mother cooks. That is how she says it. So I eat what I can, slowly, and I say thank you, and we manage. It is not a problem to be solved. Starters as a…
Fewer, heavier
week 60tired but good energy 42 replies
Eight minutes and a chair. That is the whole programme. Tuesday and Friday. I have done it for eleven weeks. Grip strength has gone off and I noticed it opening a jar before…
Grip
week 58tired but good energy 52 replies
Grip strength has gone off and I noticed it opening a jar before I noticed it anywhere else. Back to loading properly. Kept the two sessions that matter and dropped the two…
Two lines a day
week 56organised energy 32 replies
Two lines a day in a paper diary. Date, and one thing. That is the entire system and it has twice changed a clinical decision. Anchored injection day to my shift pattern…