Journal
Wystan’s journal
Poet. Journalling suits me.
Circle tonight
week 36warm energy 44 replies
Somebody new tonight, terrified, exactly where I was in the spring. I said the thing that had been said to me and watched it land. Went for the practical answers and stayed…
The space it left
week 35unsettled energy 43 replies
I did not know other people did not have this. That is the part I keep turning over. I assumed everybody was doing the same negotiation all day and simply not mentioning it.…
No mask
week 34foggy energy 24 replies
A gentle week, mostly. The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet tell whether I mind. Repeat study came back and the apnoea is…
A wedding
week 33loved energy 11 reply
A gentle week, mostly. Somebody asked what my secret was and I froze completely. Still working out what I want to say to that. A wedding. Three courses I could not face, a…
Nothing to report
week 31steady energy 23 replies
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of eventful weeks would give a false impression of…
Steady
week 30steady energy 41 reply
A gentle week, mostly. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about how much I have got out of other people's boring weeks. Quiet.…
I nearly did not write
week 28fine energy 21 reply
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Quiet. Injection Tuesday, mild Wednesday, fine by Thursday, and then a normal weekend. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on…
Laces
week 27pleased energy 51 reply
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Up the stairs at work twice without stopping at the landing. I stood at the top for a second like an idiot. Nobody saw. It counted.…
Three cool bags and a thermometer
week 25organised energy 42 replies
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Two lines a day in a paper diary. Date, and one thing. That is the entire system and it has twice changed a clinical decision. Anchored…
The question I had been avoiding
week 24heard energy 5
A gentle week, mostly. Nine minutes. I took three written questions and got three answers, which is the best return I have ever had from an appointment. A locum who had…
No news
week 23fine energy 11 reply
Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of eventful weeks would give a false impression of the whole thing. I nearly did not write…
Fewer, heavier
week 21tired but good energy 22 replies
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Kept the two sessions that matter and dropped the two that were vanity. Fewer, heavier, done. Came back after a bad fortnight without…
She read the diary
week 19brisk energy 52 replies
A locum who had clearly read nothing. I was polite, I got what I needed, and I have booked with my own GP for next month. Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven…
Nine minutes
week 18heard energy 32 replies
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven years. She answered it in about ninety seconds and was completely unbothered. Left…
Quiet
week 16steady energy 43 replies
Sitting down to this properly tonight. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about how much I have got out of other people's boring…
A rough few days
week 14sore energy 21 reply
A gentle week, mostly. Sore at the injection site for about ten days, a small firm lump under the skin. The pharmacist looked at it, was unbothered, and told me to move…
What is your secret
week 13awkward energy 11 reply
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Somebody asked what my secret was and I froze completely. Still working out what I want to say to that. A wedding. Three courses I…
The bad fortnight
week 13flat energy 4
Constipation, which I have avoided writing about for six weeks out of pure squeamishness. It is the thing making me most miserable and I have said nothing about it to…
Two sessions
week 12tired but good energy 22 replies
A gentle week, mostly. Came back after a bad fortnight without trying to make up the lost ground, which is the thing that used to end it for me every time. Walked instead of…
A new bin and a plan
week 10organised energy 1
A gentle week, mostly. Anchored injection day to my shift pattern rather than to the calendar, which solved a problem I had been feeling guilty about for four months. Batch…