Journal
Ash’s journal
A&E nights. Ask me nothing before 2pm.
Sunday night, four lines
week 30held energy 54 replies
My buddy noticed something in my journal before I did and asked me a very gentle question about it. Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has…
Two lines a day
week 29pleased energy 13 replies
Right. Tested three cool bags against a thermometer this weekend because I am that person. Results written up for the travel circle. Locker contents, published. Anchored…
Starters as a main
week 29awkward energy 31 reply
Right. My mother cooks. That is how she says it. So I eat what I can, slowly, and I say thank you, and we manage. It is not a problem to be solved. Somebody asked what my…
Into town and back
week 27pleased energy 11 reply
Right. Swam. First time since school. Two lengths, badly, grinning. Got down on the floor and back up again unaided. I have not been able to do that since 2021 and I did it…
Somebody new
week 26warm energy 4
The facilitator stopped the room when four of us were talking at once and asked one person how she was actually doing. It changed the whole hour. Went for the practical…
Walking
week 25tired but good energy 2
Eight minutes and a chair. That is the whole programme. Tuesday and Friday. I have done it for eleven weeks. Came back after a bad fortnight without trying to make up the…
Nine minutes
week 24brisk energy 5
Right. Nine minutes. I took three written questions and got three answers, which is the best return I have ever had from an appointment. Asked the question I had been…
Flat, whole night
week 23quietly delighted energy 21 reply
Well then. Tied my own laces standing up. I am aware of how that sounds and I do not care. Walked into town and back, which I stopped doing years ago without ever deciding to…
No mask
week 22rested energy 54 replies
Well then. The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet tell whether I mind. Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying…
Off the floor
week 20grateful energy 41 reply
Up the stairs at work twice without stopping at the landing. I stood at the top for a second like an idiot. Nobody saw. It counted. Swam. First time since school. Two…
She stopped the room
week 19warm energy 34 replies
Well then. Went for the practical answers and stayed for the company, which I gather is what everybody does. The facilitator stopped the room when four of us were talking at…
The limits of yoghurt
week 18steady energy 43 replies
Right. Greek yoghurt, eggs, and the limits of both. I have reached the limits of both. I have found five things I can get down when nothing appeals and I have written them on…
What is your secret
week 16warm energy 11 reply
Well then. My mother cooks. That is how she says it. So I eat what I can, slowly, and I say thank you, and we manage. It is not a problem to be solved. Somebody asked what my…
Nothing to report
week 15flat energy 13 replies
Right. No news. The dog is well, the weather has been foul, and I have taken my medication on the correct day for the eleventh week running. Nothing to report. Writing it…
Awake at four
week 14tired energy 24 replies
Right. The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet tell whether I mind. Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying…
I nearly did not write
week 13steady energy 33 replies
Well then. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of eventful weeks would give a false impression of the whole thing. No news. The…
Not writing about this would be dishonest
week 11rough energy 43 replies
Constipation, which I have avoided writing about for six weeks out of pure squeamishness. It is the thing making me most miserable and I have said nothing about it to…
Two flights of stairs
week 11pleased energy 11 reply
Right. Slept flat. Whole night. Flat. Tied my own laces standing up. I am aware of how that sounds and I do not care. Bed. It is noon.
Laces
week 10pleased energy 11 reply
Well then. Carried both bags up in one go. Small thing. Wrote it down. Up the stairs at work twice without stopping at the landing. I stood at the top for a second like an…
She read the diary
week 9brisk energy 32 replies
Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven years. She answered it in about ninety seconds and was completely unbothered. Took the diary in. She read it properly, which…